Karen Papin: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Divine Worth Podcast, where we are letting go of our self-doubt, anxiety, fear, limiting beliefs, so that we can step into the divine roles that God has for us. I am your host life coach, Karen Papin, and together we are embracing our divine worth and potential.
Karen Papin: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Divine Worth Podcast. Today’s guest is Susan Hart. She is a mom to four children, two adults and two teens. For years she lived life through her kids, basing her self-worth entirely on her children’s successes. She finally realized she was doing them and herself a huge disservice. Since then, she has tapped into her own identity and what God has for her to do. While she is still supportive and involved with her children, she is no longer reliant on them for herself worth.
It has been a beautiful transition for them all. So Susan, thank you and welcome to the podcast today.
Susan Hart: Thank you. Thanks for having me.
Karen Papin: Well, I’m excited to have this opportunity to talk to you and get to know you and hear more about this transition that you made with your self worth and being a mom.
So yeah, I’d like to hear more about your story. Can you tell me a little bit more about how you came to realize that? Well, how [00:01:00] do I phrase that word? Tell me more about your self-worth journey.
Susan Hart: Sure. I started off being a normal kid, I, went to college. I got a degree in English with an editing emphasis, and I edited for a few years, and then I became a mom.
I decided to just focus on my family. And so for nearly 20 years I was really focused on my kids and I put aside everything else and I just poured everything into them and I kept thinking that I was a good mom if my kids were being successful, if they were involved in everything. If they were.
The best at everything. And I really got wrapped up in that feeling like, this is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is what a good mom does. Well, after a long time, almost 20 years, I [00:02:00] had a wake up call. My oldest son had applied for college and he had a college that he was really excited about going to, and it’s, he had wanted to go there forever.
And so we had looked up all of the requirements and he had done everything we thought that he needed to do to get in. And, so we’re all anticipating this letter from the school and thinking about what are the scholarship offers gonna be, where’s he gonna live? All of these things. Well, then the letter came and he read it to me and it said, thanks for your application.
Unfortunately we can’t offer you acceptance. And he read that to me and I didn’t believe it at first. So I took the phone from him and read it for myself because I thought he was trying to play a joke on me. And, anyway, it was really a hard pill to swallow, and I went to bed crying that night, [00:03:00] feeling like I had failed as a mom, and I didn’t want him to know that I felt that way because I didn’t want him to feel like a failure.
The next morning I looked in the mirror and I realized I didn’t even know who I was anymore, and I realized that I had been living life through my kids and it was completely unfair to them and unfair to me. So that was the beginning of a journey with God for me to figure out what it was that he wanted me to do.
Because I really believe we’re all children of God. And sometimes when we think about that, it makes it feel like everyone else is a child of God. I’m just regular. I’m not special. But. When we think about that, we’re children of God and, he has a special mission and work for each of us to do, and we just have to work with him to discover [00:04:00] what that is.
So for me. I knew that I had to go back to some of the things I used to love doing. So I went back to editing. I started my own editing business, and it completely changed everything. I felt like my old self again. My kids were happier. They were making more decisions on their own because I wasn’t hovering over them.
And. It’s just really created a fantastic new dynamic in our family. And they talk about the old mom versus the new mom. And it’s been wonderful and I have really felt that I need to help other women, other moms discover what it is that God has for them to do. And so that has taken on a new meaning for me as I’ve talked with other moms and I have gone through training to become a coach to help other moms, and it’s just beautiful.
When we really get [00:05:00] connected with what God has for us, we can make a great difference in our lives and our families lives and in the world in general.
Karen Papin: That is so wonderful. I love how this has kind of turned into, you know, it’s like make your mess, your message. Right? It’s like that. Yeah, for sure.
And you’re now taking steps to be able to help others be able to find that purpose as well. So I wanna dive a little more into, you said that it was unfair to your kids that you were judging your worth based off of their success. So, tell me more about that. why you feel it was unfair.
and. Also, well, I guess we can get to the also after, but also like what were the sets that you took to change your perspective more and actually make the changes so that you weren’t no longer, basing your worth on that?
Susan Hart: Well, I think it was a lot of pressure. [00:06:00] My kids felt a lot of pressure because they could tell that when they were.
Successful in my eyes that I was happier. And it was a, it was just a lot of pressure on them to try to be perfect and to try to be what they thought was gonna make me happy. And nobody wants that. I think, you know, I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want that pressure of. Trying to live up to someone else’s expectations and always worrying that I was somehow failing them.
It just, I didn’t recognize it when I was in the moment because I always had the lens of, I want to give my kids everything. And as parents, that’s what we want. Society tells us we need to do and be and have everything, and especially these days are. Our kids are supposed to be by society [00:07:00] standards involved in everything.
And so as parents, sometimes we get really wrapped up in that and we want them to be in sports and we want them to be in student government and we want them to be in music and in all of these different things, which are good things, but. Sometimes it’s just too much. And sometimes we need to let them be kids and let them have experiences that help them to grow.
And when we try to micromanage everything and try to make everything perfect, it’s really not helping anybody.
Karen Papin: So how do. Determine. Okay, right here is when I need to kinda let them do their own thing or, okay this is where I kind of need to teach them a little more.
Susan Hart: Well, I think first of all, in the moment we need to take a breath [00:08:00] and we need to let ourselves think and just recognizing
what is the implication gonna be if I step in here or if I let them learn the lesson on their own? You know, obviously there are things that we as parents need to step in when there’s a safety issue, when there’s something that’s really serious that could cause harm. Of course we want, we wanna step in and make sure that they are making a decision that’s gonna be.
Safe for them. But there are sometimes that they need to learn how to fail when they’re in our home. ’cause if they don’t learn it there, it’s gonna be a whole lot harder of a lesson to learn once they’re adults. So for me, when my kids are, at school, if there’s, if they’re having a problem with another student, or another teacher.
Or a teacher, then. I really want them to be able to work that out on their own. So I give them [00:09:00] the chance to have those conversations on their own. And then if it gets to be a bigger problem, then we discuss it together and decide, is this something that you want my help with? But I, what I’m finding is most of the time they’re capable and they want to handle it on their own, and it’s so much better.
If they’re handling those things on their own, it helps them so much in the long run. if they can do those things, if they can have a hard conversation with a teacher and say, Hey, I don’t understand why I got this score on my paper, or, can, I have an extra day before I turn in this assignment, or whatever it is, knowing that the teacher may not accommodate and that’s okay, but those are the types of.
Conversations that in my mind, our kids need to be having as teenagers so that they can learn and thrive in society later on.
Karen Papin: That’s great. That’s teaching them like real life skills, right? [00:10:00] Absolutely. Things that they’re gonna use for the rest of their lives. So how do you, in those times when okay, you’ve given them that space, and they make a mistake where they do fail, how do you.
How do you keep yourself from taking that personally?
Susan Hart: That is a very good question. I think I try to remember back to when I was their age and how would I want to have been responded to? I. and I also think back about mistakes I made as a teen, and those weren’t my parents’ fault. I made those mistakes, and I wouldn’t want them to feel responsible or to take that personally, to mean that something about them of, you know, for mistakes that I’ve made.
And so I think consciously deciding that I’m not going to take it personally has made a big difference and I’ve seen a [00:11:00] difference in, in how I respond to my kids, and they are much more willing to come to me when they’re having problems or, you know, when there’s something they’re worried about because they know that I’m not taking it personally.
They know that I only want, I will only want to help them. I’m not worried about what it’s gonna make me look like if my kid is making this decision or making a mistake or whatever. It’s not about me, it’s about them.
Karen Papin: That is such a beautiful benefit from that. Like it’s, they can trust you more because they know that it’s that you’re not gonna make it.
Okay. So you had that experience with your son, and your epiphany during that time. What were your next steps? what did you do after you realized, oh, I am. Basing my worth off of his successes. Like what did you end up doing to get in touch with who you were again?
Susan Hart: Well, I did a few [00:12:00] things. First of all, I prayed and I just asked God to help me because I said to him, I am so grateful for this beautiful blessing of being a mom, but I know that there’s more that you have for me to do. And there’s more to me. How do I find that? And so first of all, I went back to things that I used to love.
I started exploring things that I hadn’t done in a long time. And even silly things like playing with Play-Doh or Jump Rope or Hop Scotch, these things that kind of brought me back to the joys and the feelings of childhood. Then I looked at my life and I decided, what are the things that I want to keep that I currently have in my life?
And what are the things I can let go of that aren’t serving me? What are the things from my childhood that maybe I wanna [00:13:00] bring back into my life that I haven’t been doing? And I’ve started singing and dancing and things that I used to love doing, and it’s been amazing. I’ve started trying new things.
I’ve started traveling more. I’ve started doing things that I thought I wasn’t good at before, and I’m still not necessarily good at those things, but I’m having fun trying. I am a terrible artist, but I’m having fun trying. I’m having fun trying to draw, trying to paint, and just figuring out. what else is out there that I haven’t tried that I want to try?
I’ve started reaching out to other women more and I’ve made some beautiful new friendships and it’s been amazing the people that God has put in my path, and some of them I feel like I’ve known forever and we have just made an instant [00:14:00] connection and it’s been such. An answer to prayer is I have, I’ve had these new experiences and now I have these new friends and I have old friends, and God’s showing me along the way that there’s so much potential.
There’s so much in store and we have so many creative abilities given to us from God. And sometimes we don’t recognize those. We don’t explore those. And the more we do that, the more we actually find ourselves, because that’s who God created us to be. He created us to be creative and to be creators.
And that’s where the magic really happens, is when we tap into our creativity and we allow ourselves to maybe not be so great at things, but to keep trying and to keep exploring.
Karen Papin: Okay, so what keeps you [00:15:00] from that fear of failure or the perfectionism that kind of comes in when it’s like, oh, I’m trying something new, and maybe it’s not one the way you want to, how do you kind of push through that?
Susan Hart: Well, first of all, I am a lifelong perfectionist, and that is something I’ve been working really hard to let go of, and that’s come. Little by little as I’ve started doing some of these explorations, and so when I draw something that looks like it was drawn by a kindergartner, I think in my mind, how would I respond to one of my kids if they had done, if they had drawn this.
Even one of my teenagers now, if he drew something, am I gonna look at it and say, that is terrible. No, I’m not gonna do that. I’m gonna, I’m gonna love him. I’m gonna give him compassion. I’m gonna keep encouraging him to keep on trying. And that I think is a [00:16:00] hard thing for us as adults and as women to do, but.
The more we try, the better we get. And sometimes it’s just about fun. I’m not trying to be a professional artist and that’s okay. I’m just enjoying life. I’m just enjoying the blessings that God is sending my way and realizing that there’s so much more when I open myself up to the opportunities that are there.
Karen Papin: So as you started to like you went back to the editing, you’re starting, you’re doing coaching. are there times when you start to feel guilty that you’re like putting efforts towards your own passions and purpose versus focusing on your kids?
Susan Hart: So my number one focus is my family and my two teenagers who are at home are heavily involved at high school. They’re in arts, they’re in sports, [00:17:00] and I’m there for them. And I have chosen to do things that are flexible with hours so that I can be there for my kids and I could be there for my husband.
And so that’s a, it’s a beautiful thing. My youngest will graduate in three years. I know that once that happens, I’m gonna have more time. And so right now I, I’m using the time when my kids are at school to, to do my work, and then I try to make the time when they’re not in school that I’m focused on them, that I’m there for their track meets, but I’m there for their performances.
And honestly, it’s such a better life for all of us. My kids love that I am doing things for me and occasionally I go to a women’s retreat or I go to a training and I’m gone for a day or two and then I come back and my kids. The last time [00:18:00] I did that, I came back and my 16-year-old said, mom, I am so proud of you for doing something that you love and that makes you feel so good.
He said, it makes me want to do the things that I love even more so. The way I look at it is I can have the best of both worlds. It’s possible. I just have to, I have to make choices and it’s a good choice versus a good choice. So I choose my kids when they’re available to be chosen and when they’re gone, then I can spend time doing this.
Those other things that I love.
Karen Papin: I love that, that I love how you pointed out, it’s like I can do both. Like it’s not a matter of choosing this or that. It’s the work. Work. Do both.
Susan Hart: Absolutely. And I feel like it’s so important for moms to make time for the things we love. It’s really hard when we have [00:19:00] little children at home, but it makes such a difference and whatever that is, if that’s, playing the piano for 30 minutes a day, or if it’s getting a part-time job, or if it’s starting a business or going to lunch with friends once a week, whatever it is, it’s important for moms to have.
Time to nourish who they are. I think if I had done that, life would’ve been a lot better for my family., but, I felt like I needed to be always, even when my kids were at school, I needed to be focused on every detail of their lives. And I think if I had focused more on myself, occasionally it
would’ve been really beneficial for us.
Karen Papin: I like how you said occasionally, because like we’re saying, oh, you need to devote tons of time to yourself. It’s like, no, you just check in, see where you are, and [00:20:00] determine do I need a little more time to recharge and replenish my goal? So that I can then show up in the relationships that I have more as myself and not the burned out, shadow of myself.
Susan Hart: Absolutely. It’s so easy to get burned out, but if we can just spend a little bit of time nourishing who we are, we don’t get lost.
Karen Papin: Okay.
So, do you have any tips for someone who is feeling that burnout? What are some examples of things that they can do?
Susan Hart: Okay. So, I recommend making time, planning it out because if you don’t plan out the time, it doesn’t happen. So sit down with your family.
Your husband, your mom, whoever it is, and find someone. If you have little kids, find someone to watch your kids for whatever period of time, half an hour, whatever it is, go do something that you used to love [00:21:00] doing. Go jump on the trampoline. Go walk around the block, go swim by yourself or with friends. Do something that you used to love doing.
Then try something new. Do what used to light you up, and then try something that you may or may not learn to love. And just give yourself that time. Put it in your calendar at the beginning of every week and make sure that it happens, right?
And it doesn’t have to, it doesn’t have to be something huge. You know, give yourself 20 minutes to go read a book and eat a bar of chocolate. Whatever it is that’s going to really just replenish you, fill your cup and bring you back to being the mom that you know you can be by nourishing the other part of you, that’s you, and that’s always going to be [00:22:00] there.
Karen Papin: That’s great. Just small and simple things. It doesn’t have to, huge thing. So how has your view of your divine worth changed as you’ve embraced your own uniqueness?
Susan Hart: Well, I now see that I’m a partner with God in doing what he wants me to do. Helping other people shine and recognize their worth.
it’s been an amazing process just recognizing that God knows who I am, he cares about who I am, and he wants me to be the best version of myself possible. And so when I look in the mirror, now I see who I am. I see a vibrant, happy, excited woman who knows that she can make a difference in the world.
Who knows that she can help other women to find joy and to find purpose and [00:23:00] meaning and beauty in life. And that all comes, it all comes from God and from partnering with him. And knowing what it is that he wants us to do individually,
Karen Papin: I can only imagine just how powerful if all of us as women of faith, if we all embrace that perspective and just had that divine partnership with God.
Just how powerful of an impact that you made.
Susan Hart: Yes. it’s exciting to think about. And it’s possible. It’s very possible. So the first step is just asking God to help you. He loves you. He will help you.
Karen Papin: Okay?
What advice would you give to a woman who is sensing God, calling her to. Two more, but feels overwhelmed and unsure in the [00:24:00] midst of her own motherhood journey,
Susan Hart: we would tell her to listen. Motherhood is busy and sometimes so noisy, literally and figuratively that sometimes. We aren’t hearing what God is saying to us because there’s just so much chaos going on.
So I would suggest finding some quiet time to really listen and know that God is there, that he is trying to talk to us. So if we really listen, we’ll be able to hear what he’s telling us to do.
Karen Papin: That’s one thing that as I’ve been doing this podcast and I’m getting close to a year, you know, but as I’ve been doing this podcast, that is something that seems to come up so [00:25:00] much is taking time to be still , and to listen. Be still a no, right? Yes. And just how important that is in relation to understanding our divine worth.
Because while and just like Satan will do what he can right. To distract us and to keep us busy, so that we don’t take that time to just pause and be still.
Susan Hart: Absolutely. Yeah. And he knows if he can get to the moms, he’s gonna win. So, definitely we need to take that time to find quiet time and quiet spaces where we can really listen.
Karen Papin: That kind of goes back with some of the steps that you gave us earlier, where it’s like, schedule and time for yourself. Yes. And
Susan Hart: put it, put it in your calendar.
Karen Papin: Yeah.
Susan Hart: [00:26:00] Actually schedule the time.
Karen Papin: Yeah. Oh good. So what is your favorite or what are some scriptures that you think of when you think of Divine worth and potential.
Susan Hart: So my favorite one is Romans chapter eight, and it’s verses 16 through 18. The spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God, and if children then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ. If it so be that we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified together. I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
I just, I love that it’s so easy right now in this world to focus on the sufferings, but that last line that. Our sufferings, [00:27:00] are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us. It’s amazing. And the thought of being joint heirs with Christ, God has so much in store for us.
He loves us, we’re his children, and we have so much innate worth in who we are. And as we tap into that, the. The potential is limitless.
Karen Papin: Thank you so much for sharing that. I often will quote, Romans eight 16. And so I love that you shared more of that too, because I don’t often think about more of that scripture.
So thank you for sharing that and for teaching me about more about it too and just how it all relates. Is there anything else that you would like our listeners to know?
Susan Hart: I think just remembering. Sometimes it can be really [00:28:00] monotonous being in the thick of motherhood, and it can be hard. It can feel like the days are long and hard. But, if we can remember who we are and whose we are, it gives us greater. Capacity to love and greater capacity to improve the lives of those around us.
So I would say just remind yourself of who you are, and if you’re feeling like you don’t remember who you are, take those steps. Do the things you used to do, decide what in your life is not working and get rid of it. And try some new things. Make time for yourself.
Karen Papin: Right. Yeah. My next question was gonna be what’s like one small and simple thing that they could do to take action?
You kind of like went right into it too. So [00:29:00] how can those listening connect with you?
Susan Hart: So the best way is I have a Facebook group for moms. It’s called the Balanced Mom, creating purpose and passion beyond motherhood. And we talk a lot in there about, some of the things we’ve discussed today and, just how to find yourself and how to be who you really are.
Karen Papin: Right. Well, Susan, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today and sharing some of your insights about motherhood and. Not having your work tied up in the success of your kids.
Susan Hart: Well, thanks for having me.
Karen Papin:
If you have found this podcast to be a light, please share it with others and our leave a review, which helps others find the podcast as well. To learn more about your divine worth and potential, you can download some free scripture cards. Focus on your [email protected] forward slash scripture cards.
Karen Papin:
To learn more about your divine worth and potential, you can download some free scripture cards focused on your worth at https://karenpapin.com/scripturecards. You are of worth. You have a purpose. The Lord loves you and he believes in you and only you can make the impact on this world that you are meant to make.
Join me next time as we talk more about divine worth and potential.
Does what God is prompting you to do feel daunting? With your own personalized fear to faith meditation you can create new thought patterns to move you from fear to faith in God’s plan for you.
Learn more about what God sees in you with these scriptures that show you your divine worth and potential.
This free 7 day gratitude course is to guide you to have the eyes to see God’s love for you and those around you.
Quotes from this episode
